Please remove the fart gun from the dinner table! Please stop hitting the wall with the toilet brush, that’s gross! Please pick up your the toilet paper you wiped your butt with and flush it. Indie, please stop barking at the deer head on the wall! Don’t brush your toes with your brother’s tooth brush… No you can’t use your hammer to hammer the nail into the wall in your bedroom, I use that to hang things on. What have you said to your children this week that you didn’t think you would have to say?

If you have ever had a mouth mold done in the dentist office, you know that it doesn’t taste good and it makes you gag. When I visited the dentist last time I wondered what dentists and orthodontists were like growing up. Did they always aspire to work with teeth? Did they practice making mouth molds out of cream cheese and unravel all of the floss on the floor? I’ll let you know in about 20 years or so.

So a couple of weeks ago, I decorated my younger children’s bedroom with animal faces that were beautifully crafted by people at my church for VBS. The children loved it! I explained to them that the animals on the wall were just for looking at, not for touching. Well my little monkey climbed up on a box and pulled down one of the monkey’s on the wall. Needless to say, the monkey didn’t make it.

Mommy diaries…..I have a baby chick running through my house….and I don’t know where it is….Lord help me.

Mommy Diaries……When you wake up at 6 am to use the bathroom…..and have every intention of going back to bed…..but as you are using the bathroom you smell something absolutely terrible (here is a hint….it’s not you)…..first thought: my poop painter is awake! You run into the room…. flip on the lights! You even ask her is she pooped…. Your other child asleep in the room groans with displeasure at his slumber being disturbed…..She is not awake, but she does need a diaper change so you change her, give her some milk and put her back to bed……..you exit the room…..and still smell poop…..so you start wandering around the house…